Having a lifelong interest in video games comes with a cruel Catch-22.

When you're a kid, you have all the time in the world to play games -- BUT you don't have the money to buy them as often as you'd like, your library is rather small, and every single precious purchase you DO manage to obtain has to be screened through your parental guardians, who aren't into video games and in some cases outright hate them. They'll gift you terrible games you don't like, and ignore or forbid ones you DO like. You're often forced to power through a game that's garbage, because what ELSE are you gonna do with a lazy summer day?

When you're finally an ADULT, all those roadblocks are gone. You have the free income to buy as many video games as you want, no one can screen or censor your purchases (except possibly a spouse), and you can stack bookcases full of games from your past and present up to the ceiling. However, the one thing you DID have as a kid -- the free time to play all those games -- no longer exists. You're basically the guy who breaks his glasses in that Twilight Zone episode.

My personal game collection is quite deep now, and goes back several generations. However, an embarrassingly large chunk of that collection consists of games I've never had the time to touch -- or even open. What follows are photos of 45 -- count 'em -- FORTY-FIVE video games I have NEVER taken out of their packaging. If the child version of myself could see this, he'd throw a fit. This is my Stack of Shame:

VIEWTIFUL JOE 2
Nintendo Gamecube
Unopened eBay price: $35
Odds of my opening it: low

My earliest unopened video game (in order of purchase) is Viewtiful Joe 2 for the Nintendo Gamecube. I figured I'd unwrap it after I finished Viewtiful Joe 1. I never did.

One common sight you're going to see are "Fred Meyer" price tags, as in the department store chain exclusive to the Northwest region of the US. Whenever Fred Meyer clears out an old stock of games, the discounts you can get are ridiculous. They are the single biggest enabler of my bad habit.

RESIDENT EVIL 4
Nintendo Gamecube
Unopened eBay price: $68
Odds of my opening it: zero

Do you all remember that time I showed you a photo of an unopened Resident Evil 4 and sheepishly admitted I hadn't done anything with it? Guess what? I STILL HAVEN'T.

In the years since this version, though, better versions have come out for modern hardware and modern televisions. So now I have an excuse.

ZELDA COLLECTORS EDITION
Nintendo Gamecube
Unopened eBay price: $98.79
Odds of my opening it: zero

In the days before Virtual Console, Nintendo offered a special promotional disc containing The Legend of Zelda, The Adventure of Link, Ocarina of Time, and Majora's Mask. The conditions were that you either had to buy a set number of Nintendo games or renew/subscribe to Nintendo Power for one year. I fulfilled both requirements and they sent me two copies. Yes, you could do that.

I opened one to play, and left the other in its padded envelope, where it remains to this day.

PERSONA 3 FES
Playstation 2
Unopened eBay price: $31.99
Odds of my opening it: low

My only unopened Playstation 2 game -- this is mostly because I tended to buy them used. That was back when you could find Gamestop games that weren't completely trashed, and for fair prices, because they had competition in the form of EB Games and Game Crazy. Gamestop ate the former and the latter was attached to Hollywood Video, which sank.

WARIO LAND: SHAKE IT!
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $19.15
Odds of my opening it: low

I dunno....maybe I was just tired of Wario's schtick, or maybe the way the game embraced the waggle gimmick made me put it on the back burner. Either way, more people must have shared my feelings because Wario hasn't had a Land game since.

A BOY AND HIS BLOB
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $22.91
Odds of my opening it: moderate

I actually got A Boy And His Blob for free. The credit card went through at Best Buy, but when I checked the statement later that week, the purchase wasn't on it, and it never appeared.

TATSUNOKO VS. CAPCOM: ULTIMATE ALL-STARS
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $44.08
Odds of my opening it: low

Someone told me "It's rare that Capcom would ever license characters no one in the West has ever heard of, so the Wii will probably be the only platform this game ever comes out for. Get it now, or get it never!" So I have it, not out of desire to play it, but because I simply wanted the option sometime in my life.

LOST IN SHADOW
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $28
Odds of my opening it: moderate

You're probably going to get angry with me for some of these. If the sight of an unopened Persona 3 didn't set you off, something else surely will. Anyone who knows what Lost in Shadow is probably wants to fillet me over letting it suffocate in there. I don't know what to tell you, except that they keep coming out with new, shiny and attractive ways to spend leisure time.

FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES: CRYSTAL BEARERS
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $16.52
Odds of my opening it: moderate

I was interested in this before it came out, because its designs and story indicated it was the closest I was going to get to a Final Fantasy IX sequel. I might still pop it in one of these years, but I have a feeling I'd be the only one. It's actually worth LESS now than its clearance sticker says it was.

SIN AND PUNISHMENT: STAR SUCCESSOR
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $17.05
Odds of my opening it: low

Remember when everyone was mad that the Treasure shooter Sin and Punishment was never sold in the US even though it had a full English dub? Then remember when Nintendo DID bring over the sequel, and no one bought it?

Notice the faded heat-ink barcode sticker near the bottom. This was an early purchase from Amazon; they used to stick those barcodes onto their products prior to shipping.

SUPER MARIO ALL-STARS LIMITED EDITION
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $23.99
Odds of my opening it: low to actually play, high for curiosity's sake

Are you ready ARE YOU REALLY READY because this is MARIO and not JUST MARIO but JUICED-UP SUPER NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM MARIO it's MARIO THROWING FIREBALLS it's MARIO HURLING TURNIPS it's MARIO NEGOTIATING AN ARMS DEAL okay maybe not but THERE'S MORE this version was once REALLY VALUABLE because Nintendo printed like FIFTEEN OF THEM and they were SO HARD TO FIND but I RAN ACROSS ONE OUT OF NOWHERE IN A COSTCO it hit me like WOW and I BOUGHT THE SUCKER even though I had no desire to play this on Wii AT ALL but it was MARIO MARIO what's the capital of Ohio MARIO I had to have that MARIO and then Nintendo REPRINTED IT DUE TO HIGH DEMAND and it was now WORTHLESS and it's STILL WORTHLESS since WHO would want to play All-Stars on Wii now NOBODY THAT'S WHO BECAUSE you can just mod it into a SNES Classic and NOT have to use a Wii controller YOU CAN'T GET MORE MARIO THAN THAT which is why THE BEST PLAY HERE

PANDORA'S TOWER
Nintendo Wii
Unopened eBay price: $38.41
Odds of my opening it: moderate

You can at least give me credit for this: Of the three late Wii JRPGs that a large Internet campaign had to beg Nintendo to release Stateside, I have actually played through signficant chunks of two of them. This was third on my list and it was probably #3 due to the grossout factor of having to bring your girlfriend ugly monster carcasses so she could eat them. That's the game.

NINJA FIVE-O
Game Boy Advance
Unopened eBay price: $650
Odds of my opening it: very high

Of all the unopened games in my stack, this one is the most valuable by a wide margin. Note that Fred Meyer was not always the place for hidden deals -- back when this came out, their idea of a clearance price for Ninja Five-O was a discount of two bucks. Little did I realize just how good a sale $27.97 actually was.

THE 3RD BIRTHDAY
Sony PSP
Unopened eBay price: $33.47
Odds of my opening it: zero

This is technically the third Parasite Eve game, but for some reason Square didn't want anyone to know that.

THE LEGEND OF HEROES: TRAILS IN THE SKY
Sony PSP
Unopened eBay price: $56.87
Odds of my opening it: low

While this game is allegedly very good, I haven't picked up my PSP in years except to illegally play Mother 3 on it. And it's also on Steam, along with its two sequels that were never published on the portable. I'm probably better off rebuying it there.

UNCHARTED, UNCHARTED, UNCHARTED
Playstation 3, Playstation 4
Unopened eBay prices: $6.96, $10.05, $9.68, $12.99
Odds of my opening any of them: moderate
I bought a 60-gig Playstation 3 Fat Model off eBay that came with a complimentary copy of Uncharted. Then it chugged so hard on The Last Of Us that it YLOD'd on me, so I had to get its chips reset....and then I decided to just get a new PS3 and save the Fat for Playstation 2 games (the big reason I couldn't afford to lose it). The PS3 Slim I bought came with a copy of Uncharted 3. Then when I got a Playstation 4, it came with remastered versions of all three games. The only one of these that didn't just fall into my lap was Uncharted 2, discovered for super-cheap at a pawn shop.
STAR OCEAN: THE LAST HOPE INTERNATIONAL
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $14.96
Odds of my opening it: zero
Ask any Star Ocean fan what their overview of the series is, and they'll tell you "I liked One, I LOVED Two, I thought Three was okay, I didn't think Four was very good, and I hated Five." Back when the brand still had a decent reputation, I was looking forward to this, but the bad reviews led me to put off playing it until I really didn't want to anymore.
DISGAEA 4: A PROMISE UNFORGOTTEN
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $11.91
Odds of my opening it: zero, because I already played it
Years ago, Toonzone asked me to review this game. NIS sent me TWO copies of it: one that was a prerelease reviewer's disc in a blank case, and another that was a sealed retail copy. I chose to play the weird-looking review disc (because who wouldn't?) and stuck the retail copy on the shelf.

I actually have all the Disgaeas, and this is the only sealed one, by technicality. That is even more remarkable when you consider what MASSIVE TIME SINKS these games are. The reason is simple: they're just that good. I haven't actually beaten any, but no one ever truly finishes a Disgaea game.

FOLKLORE
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $44.99
Odds of my opening it: moderate

Folklore is one of those games that everybody ignored when it came out but swears it's one of the best for the system now.

But who's really played Folklore? We're all just taking each other's word on this.

PUPPETEER
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $16.83
Odds of my opening it: low

Puppeteer is the opposite: everybody said it was great and a must-play THEN but it's all but forgotten NOW.

VALKYRIA CHRONICLES
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $8.61
Odds of my opening it: zero

Pictured with the Playstation 3 version of Valkyria Chronicles is the reason it will likely stay sealed: Valkyria Chronicles Remastered for the Playstation 4. if they end up releasing this on Switch, then the PS4 version will go unplayed as well.

CATHERINE (alternate cover edition)
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $15.35
Odds of my opening it: low

A select few number of retailers, mostly department stores (Fred Meyer among them), refused to stock Catherine with its original box art that depicted the protagonist falling into her ample cleavage. This cropped substitution was produced, which I figure is rarer now, especially double-shrinkwrapped with the artbook and soundtrack still attached. Am I right? Collectors, how much would you pay?

Who knows why, but Fred Meyer wouldn't let this go below MSRP for a very long time. It sat on their shelf for months and months while I waited for a discount. Finally they slapped a sticker on it that reduced the price by just seven dollars...."Fine, I'll take it."

JAK AND DAXTER COLLECTION
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $18.63
Odds of my opening it: moderate

All three Jaks for just ten bucks?? How could I NOT buy this and just let it sit there?

REMEMBER ME
Playstation 3
Unopened eBay price: $11.93
Odds of my opening it: low

Remember Me is more than just the sad song from Coco, it's also this third-person action game developed by DONTNOD, the team that would go on to create Life Is Strange. This game got mediocre reviews during its release, but people speak positively of it now.

IZUNA 2: THE UNEMPLOYED NINJA RETURNS
Nintendo DS
Unopened eBay price: $69.09
Odds of my opening it: low

Look at the layers of stickers on this one. Fred Meyer sure had a hard time getting rid of this before I came along.

VALKYRIE PROFILE: COVENANT OF THE PLUME
Nintendo DS
Unopened eBay price: $21.96
Odds of my opening it: low

There are a lot of Valkyrie Profile fans out there who don't even know this game came out. I mean, it's just as well -- it's an overhead strategy game that isn't in any way similar to its console sisters -- but there's still a Valkyrie Profile out there barely anyone has played.

PROFESSOR LAYTON VS. PHOENIX WRIGHT
Nintendo 3DS
Unopened eBay price: $54.23
Odds of my opening it: moderate

Oh man, this one HURTS. I begged Capcom for months to release this Stateside. I waited with feverish anticipation and devoured every trailer. Then I finally get it in my house, and WHAT do I do?? I let it SIT THERE?? Inexcusable.

SCRIBBLENAUTS AND OKAMIDEN
Nintendo DS
Unopened eBay prices: $7.42 and $29.75
Odds of my opening them: low to moderate

The one on the left was a birthday present. The one on the right was a Christmas present. Normally such things are opened right away. Shows how grateful I am.

RODEA THE SKY SOLDIER
Wii U
Unopened eBay price: $12.76
Odds of my opening it: low

I actually paid full price for this one. Why would I do that? Because the "Bonus Game Inside" proclaimed by the sticker is talking about the original Wii version of Rodea, created by Sonic papa Yuji Naka. Sega threw out his version and created an inferior, buggy HD copy from scratch. They printed limited copies of the Naka version out of courtesy and stuck them into the first printings of the Wii U version. Since the Wii version is the only reason to buy this, I couldn't risk waiting for a sale.

Of course, later I saw it in the bargain bin anyway, sticker and all.

TOKYO MIRAGE SESSIONS #FE
Wii U
Unopened eBay price: $26.42
Odds of my opening it: moderate

This is another one I paid full price for, but it never did see the bin, it's a crossover between the Shin Megami Tensei and Fire Emblem universes, it's supposed to be pretty good, and its odds of getting a Switch port are ZIP. I'm satisfied with my choice this time.

SHANTAE: RISKY'S REVENGE, SHANTAE AND THE PIRATE'S CURSE
Playstation 4
Unopened eBay prices: $129.77, $78.47
Odds of my opening them: zero

The advent of publishers like Limited Run Games has thrown a wrench into the old "wait for the Fred Meyer clearance" strategy. Now I have just two weeks -- or two hours -- to buy some games and if I don't buy them then, I'll never have the opportunity again unless I want to feed the scalper market. I can't say I like it, but the alternative would be for a lot of games to have no physical releases at all. It's the ugly reality of the current market.

This was an early release for Limited Run, at the time it was the biggest "get" they'd ever scored, and the ridiculously small number of copies sold out in minutes. I had to wake up in the middle of the night and utilize lightning-fast keyboard reflexes to obtain these...and yes, I own both games for other systems, but that's not the point. The point was just to have them. They pass the Kon Mari test -- they bring me joy. I like Shantae stuff.

AXIOM VERGE
Wii U
Unopened eBay price: $60.51
Odds of my opening it: low

It's because of Limited Run that only 6,000 people in the entire world can hold a complete Wii U collection at one time....though I can't imagine more than 6,000 people being interested in doing so. Axiom Verge was Limited Run's solitary Wii U release, and it was delayed several months due to the game creator getting ripped off by his business partner. It's a sad story.

CAPTAIN TOAD TREASURE TRACKER, POKKEN TOURNAMENT
Wii U
Unopened eBay prices: $18.99, $18.04
Odds of my opening them: zero

You likely already know the story: I got them for Wii U, then they came out for Switch before I could open them, and I'd rather play them there.

Note that not even all my unopened games are pictured on this page. If I were to count my Switch games here, half of them would qualify for this list. Blame Limited Run. Whether I have time to play some games or not, my choice is to either buy them now or buy them never.

FINAL FANTASY XV
Playstation 4
Unopened eBay price: $11.62
Odds of my opening it: moderate

I asked for this for Christmas back when it came out, not expecting to get it, because it was brand-new and still cost full price. Imagine my surprise to see it under the tree. I knew right then and there it was doomed to remain in the wrap for a long time. Maybe I should have returned it back when it was worth something, but that requires the receipt, and then you have to ask the relative for the receipt, and they're like "What, you don't LIKE IT?" and you're like "Of COURSE I like it, I just...." and they say "Then what's the problem?" and you say "...Nothing, I guess...." and then you sit back down sheepishly and forget the whole thing.

PERSONA 5
Playstation 4
Unopened eBay price: $20.05
Odds of my opening it: moderate

I know. I KNOW, OKAY? I deserve to be whipped for this crime of negligence, I'm sure. How about we make a deal: YOU do all my work and chores for the next two weeks, while I use that time to play Persona 5.

SECRET OF MANA
Playstation 4
UInopened eBay price: $24.75
Odds of my opening it: high

"I demand to know why your desire to play this botched remake is higher than your desire to play Persona 5!" you say. Well, I really really love Secret of Mana and I would play a T1-85 calculator version. Plus, I LOVE that there is a legitimate Playstation 4 box in this world that has the Secret of Mana boxart on it.

MIRROR'S EDGE CATALYST
Playstation 4
Unopened eBay price: $10.50
Odds of my opening it: zero

This one was actually cheaper than its sticker price suggests. An additional sale reduced its price down to just EIGHT BUCKS. It's just as well -- I bought a game I can't actually play because first-person parkour makes me nauseated.

I also got the original Mirror's Edge for free, on a day when Sony was giving out digital copies for an unknown reason.

CHIBI-ROBO: ZIP LASH
Nintendo 3DS
Unopened eBay price: $14.27
Odds of my opening it: low

Amazon was clearing these out for just $10, amiibo and everything. The game didn't set the world on fire, but I was down for a Chibi-Robo amiibo at least.

 

And the beat goes on. I bet you all have been playing Super Mario Maker 2 for hours and hours this week. You know how much time I've devoted to that so far? Less than a lousy half-hour! Between work, housecleaning, going to the store, exercising, keeping up with TV shows (which I also fail at), keeping this site updated (which I really fail at -- this is the first new article in a month and a half), keeping my other sites updated, keeping up with YouTube shows (Greg will be happy to read I'm twenty episodes behind on Nick Knacks), digitizing and cataloguing my dad's tape collection (21 boxes to go), experimenting with other projects, writing, drawing, coding, eating and sleeping....when you throw in games, everything gets divided pretty scarcely.

Notice I didn't mention a social life. If I had that, I'd never get ANYTHING done.

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